Slaughtering of the past, the present and the future.

Let’s try and put a smile on my face. Oh wait, it’s not working.

So, my  This is Me Pro got slaughtered. Surprise, surprise.

Anna, my personal tutor, picked it to pieces. Sometimes I feel like I really can’t do anything right. I’m trying to do different things to everyone else and not follow the crowd, yet others get praised for some of the most shambolic pieces of work, where as I get criticised for every little thing. Sometimes it would be nice for someone to say a simple ‘well done’, even if it is just for trying. I know my This is Me Pro isn’t amazing and has more flaws than I can even bear to count. It’s not revolutionary in any way, shape or form. I’m not saying that what my tutors say isn’t justified, because I agree with them wholeheartedly. But sometimes, I just need that little bit of encouragement every now and then. That little shining light to tell me that I am not fucking up my career and life, by chasing a hopeless dream of being a designer or motion artist.

I have always been really strong when it comes to my work. When past tutors have said to me that something I made was crap, I found it a challenge to better myself and would almost always get a ‘Yeah that looks great! That’s so much better!’ response. I reveled in showing my tutors what I am made of. But now, I am not getting that whatsoever and it’s really affecting me! There is only so much criticism that I can take!! My confidence in doing Design and Moving Image is severely plummeting and it wasn’t even high in the first place. I get so bloody nervous posting anything I have done on here. It makes me feel sick thinking that any one of you could be looking at the work I have done and are thinking how shit it is. Let alone showing it to my tutors and having my work massacred right in front of me.

So now, I would be working on developing my This is Me Pro project, however I have only 892mb of Hard Disk left on my Mac and 344mb left on my 500GB external drive. Which means I can’t do anything to the project without After Effects and Final Cut Pro telling me that I have have no space left for rendering. So I am having to wait for my 1TB external HD to be delivered so I can continue with that.

On top of that, had a first meeting with You Ting and Ni about the Kodak Project today. These are the screen shots from the footage we have:

Guess what? Our tutors slaughtered what had been done too. Maybe it’s just a me thing?!

Also! I’ve got to start thinking about and researching a personal project that I want to do after the Kodak project. I want to do some pixelation. But to be honest, I’m hardly stoked for it because I know no matter what I do, it will be metaphorically shat on.

Apologies for any swearing.

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